Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
