Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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