I don't usually arrange sex via text message
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize