what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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