Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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