have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
