other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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