Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
