Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
