I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
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video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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