i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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