she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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