I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
