just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
