Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
