C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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