It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
