I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
