Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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