i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
