I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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