Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
