just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Randomize
