I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
