you guys were way drunker than both of me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
