Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
