i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
