I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wannas sexs uuuuu
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
