Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
