Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
