No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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