he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the liver wants what the liver wants
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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