just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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