Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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