I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
