he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
