Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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