So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
