Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
