508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
either way he was missing a nipple.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
