Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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