:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am midnight drunk by noon
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
