The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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