My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we should paint friendship bongs
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