hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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