I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
