I can text with my tongue
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
