You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
