Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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