I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just puked most of my soul out..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
