I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
