Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
