Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
