the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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