youre lurking in front of me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I want you more than these girls want KFC
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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