I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
