he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
